Rest easy

Some days are more tired than others. Not tiring, mind you, but just plain from-the-get-go tired. It's making me a bit crazy. I can't predict from one day to the next when I'll wake up refreshed and when I'll toss and turn all night or awaken at 5am and be sleepy again by 9. Makes scheduling activities kind of tough. One thing I have discovered is that on days when I feel really energetic, if I take full advantage of it, I pay for the next day (or two) with sleepless nights and restless days. I suppose this is just my body's cosmic way of preparing me for life with a newborn.

Speaking of my little parasite--I mean growing adorable baby--it--I mean he--continues to entertain me with tummy-bending activity. If I'd had a kid younger in life I might have gone into whatever field of research would allow me maximum access to understanding what it is babies do and sense as they perform their jerky gymnastic feats in utero. Instead I am left with conjecture and the pithy little baby book descriptions of life in the womb. Not enough info to soothe me. I am so much more into facts than speculation.

Speculation is the name of the game with baby-related conversations these days. Baby names have moved up to become topic #1. I've compiled lists of names that I like and think go well enough with surname (and initials, per David's request). David's and my opinions change regularly, and at this point heaven knows what will show up on the birth certificate. Giving a child its name is such a tremendous responsibility. One's birth name is forever. Even if you change your name, that original one is always still in you, having defined you in some uncontrollable way. Yikes!

I've had many people advise me away from the most popular names ("Look at last year's top-ten lists and don't pick any of them"). I totally understand the anti-trendy name arguments, but at the same time I don't feel the fear and loathing others do. I had the #2 girl name for my birth year, and inevitably had several others with whom I shared my name in each year of schooling. I do not recall it ever once bothering me. Au contraire, I still enjoy when I meet another Michelle. In a world of multiples, I never lost sight of who I was. I haven't asked David about sharing his name with others, but his was #3 in our birth year, and he doesn't seem to have been damaged. It's possible David and I are relatively damage proof people, and this could bode well for our child (cross your fingers). On the other hand, we could do all the "right" things and still end up with a child who when grown feels for whatever reason he must identify under some other name. C'est la vie; I will love him unconditionally anyway. Wiggle Worm/BEG will be himself, a lovely blank slate of possibility, no matter his birthname.

Phew, I'm feeling much more at ease now. Is it too early for a nap?