Access

Shhh, don't tell anyone in my apartment complex, but I'm using an unknown someone's open wireless network. The signal is very low, but it works. Very low speed is infinitely faster than no speed at all, which is my normal state when in the apartment.

First significant rainfall of the month and it all comes at once. Gale force winds, flash flood rains, and dramatic lightning displays in the dark sky have been Houston's Halloween trick-or-treat. Poor kids. But then lots of children wouldn't have been going out to trick-or-treat anyway, as the idea of walking one's neighborhood with a parent or other trusted adult(s) and interacting with strangers is unacceptably risky. And apparently cavorting with make believe ghosts and vampires and witches puts one on the path to selling one's soul to the devil. I'm not sure Halloween-style witches say anything whatsoever about Jesus, but maybe I've been foolishly unobservant.

Samuel Alito Jr. seems like an intelligent man, polite, well mannered. I understand and respect that he is quite conservative; this is not a problem for me as a point of fact. I also understand and respect that conservatives feel the letter of the Constitution must be adhered to and nothing more (that there is, in essence, no spirit to be found in the Constitution, a point to which I heartily disagree, but I accept others feel that way). Deciding that a strict interpretation of the Constitution means a husband must be notified of a wife's abortion doesn't make sense to me at all though. I'm not sure how it isn't exactly what he argues against--judicial activism. Can someone explain this to me? For more on the Planned Parenthood of Southeastern Pennsylvania v. Casey case alluded to above, check out a conservative view, a liberal view, a summary and actual words of the case.

Power

As much as I enjoy discussing power relations and inequities, this notice has to do with the electrical variety of power. (By the way, consider the similarities and differences between interpersonal/social power and electrical power.) Apparently--and this is secondhand information, but my source is fairly reliable--power has been restored to our house in Beaumont. That's right, it's been one month since Rita passed through town.

Head-scratching Priorities alert: Alas, it's too late for the Def Leppard/Cheap Trick concert originally scheduled for tomorrow night at the local arena. TWO fabulous events were coming to Beaumont and had to be cancelled due to Rita: this concert and Vince Vaughn's traveling comedy show. Up to now all there's been to see in town were Cher and Hillary Duff (separately). Now that interesting events are scheduled, a hurricane takes them all out. Bad luck for me; really bad luck for the local events people who need the business badly.

Simplicity

How many efforts failed to reach their intended conclusion because they became or were originally conceived in a way that was overly complex? Have you heard of "Keep It Simple, Stupid"? How about "the devil is in the details"? Simplify your life, minimize the details and reap the rewards. Life is naturally complex. Is there any benefit to artifically making things more complex? What is it you really want to do? What is it that prevents you from doing it? I'm becoming obsessed with priorities.

Okay, I've got the solution to a lot of problems. It's sort of obvious I know, but still people don't give it its due. Prevention. Think about how much could change if we focused on prevention rather than treatment of problems. Physical health obviously comes to mind and has been the focus of many prevention campaigns, but what about mental health? Personal relationships, parenting, even personal finance could all benefit from preventive attention.

Yet again, the "problem" comes from defining values. What if your simple prevention measures conflict with mine? How about this: work on your own self. Simplify your own actions, focus on your personal priorities. A simple solution.

Delusions

A woman at work is preparing to run a marathon. She's exercising herself into immobility in anticipation of running herself into immobility (funny, that). Two hours of spin class, another hour of running, followed one day later by a 20k run. This doesn't sound fun to me. I have no desire to run a marathon. I've heard about runner's high and all that, but it just doesn't appeal to me. Is it possible that I am too high on life? That I avoid new exhilarations because I'm so content with the day-to-day ones?

I told myself that I could run a marathon if I wanted to. That I am not incapable of such a feat. Then I thought about other things I opt not to do yet feel perfectly capable of doing should the urge strike me. The only thing I could not think myself capable of is killing another person or charasmatic creature. [DIGRESSION BEGINS: The fact that I differentiate creatures is problematic. I'd rather not kill any of them. In fact I've developed a bit of a walking phobia recently; I look for ants and bugs and attempt to avoid stepping on any. I recognized this fairly quickly as a problem. The problem, really, is that I became conscious of all the little life forms I trod upon daily and I developed compassion for them. What am I to do, live in a bubble? I have reconciled this recently by recognizing the insects, walking consciously so as to avoid mass murder and thanking all of nature for its wonder. Kind of like the meat I consume. Okay, I have totally digressed. DIGRESSION ENDS]

The point was, am I deluding myself into believing that I can run a marathon? If I have never attempted it, how can I know? And if I attempted it then stopped short, would that confirm that I can't? Or would it simply be further evidence that I had not YET done it? Is any of it really a question of capability?

I have now arrived at the conclusion that it matters not one iota what one can or can't do. I feel much better.

Next maybe I'll share my thoughts on actions speaking louder than words. You might be surprised by my views.

Taxes

Scanning the FM dial this morning I came across a pundit blasting some Bush-assigned effort to figure out ways to simplify tax code and energize the economy. Their solution, he said, was to propose taxing the rich. This solution was unacceptable to the pundit (whose political allegiances I never did discern). He was quite pointed in declaring the committee had failed in all of its missions. I wasn't quite clear on why he objected to taxing the rich as a proposed solution.

Anyway, it all reminded me of the movie Dave. I loved how the impostor president got his accountant friend to go over the budget and find extraneous expenses to eliminate. All it took was some favorite deli sandwiches and an all-nighter or two. Then, poof, the budget mess was figured out. Why can't we do that in real life?

Is the budget so convoluted that it is beyond deciphering by experts, or is it so filled with noxious junk that really analyzing it would open the government en masse to ridicule and undermine our entire way of life, or maybe it's all just too idealistic to contemplate. Why is taxing the rich so awful? Okay, I can imagine some problems with such an un-nuanced proposal. But I still fail to see why idealism is so awful.

Cold

I'm looking forward to a temperature change here in Southeast Texas, preferably a cooldown. I'm looking forward to news about when power might be restored to our house in Beaumont. Chances are, by the time power is restored, air conditioning will no longer be necessary. In the meantime I seem to have come down with a cold. I took old cold medication with the hopes that it would a) not kill me and b) work to some extent. I'd have to take non-expired medication and measure effects to be certain, but I think this old stuff is not up to snuff. I like to think that I am a good sick person. I take care of myself, don't complain, and maintain some cheeriness. Actually, I am rather intrigued by congested states--the foggy head, explosive sneezes, and endless desires for a nap; on the flip side, I don't like the coughing or the tickle in the back of the throat. I hope David doesn't get sick. I believe men tend to be bigger wimps when it comes to illness and discomfort than women. I consider myself a non-sexist person but I believe the genders are socialized differently. That's how I justify making steretypical statements related to gender at any rate.

See how I moved from temperature to gender? Blame it on bad cold medicine.

Serenity - the movie

We saw a movie this weekend, Serenity, based on the short-lived Fox television series Firefly (a sci-fi western). I would post a movie review, but that computer is under wraps and under-powered (non-powered, actually). My mini review: If you're looking for lighthearted space adventure with a western feel, then you will enjoy Serenity. It won't shock you or move you to tears or activism of any kind, but it's got amusing characters and dialogue. It's harmlessly fun sci fi entertainment that happens to have a rabid fanbase.

Robots

Update to blog: I changed settings to require word validation on comments. I love comments. From actual PEOPLE. Comment away, people.

We're watching the Hurricane Rita news coverage again. David is talking back at the TV, commenting Mystery Science Theater style. What's that building? "Is that the Orleans building? It is!" Swearing and gestures are occasionally involved (as non-local reporters conjecture and make many false assumptions), but it's generally in good humor. The word stupid has become a favorite. He's looking outside for the thunderstorms the Dallas weatherman reports are here. Swirling high clouds is all he sees. Back to the hurricane country reports. "But they shut 911 down and people were warned!" I wish you could join us. We are having a BLAST. :)

Facts

I am thankful that catastrophe has been avoided.

Brunt of weakened Hurricane Rita went east and eliminated dangerous surge into our area. Actually, the flooding in Beaumont does not appear to be as bad as regular heavy-rain flooding we've experienced several times in last two years.

National news is crazy. The reporters in studio and on scene are passing on half truths, making huge stories out of isolated incidents, and contributing to atmosphere of fear. There's a casino in Beaumont? Hello? "But don't go away, there's more!" Wolf Blitzer has fallen far from his First Gulf War glory days.

Hanging out in a hotel room is not very interesting. Normally I love nesting in a new place. Current feelings might have something to do with the fact that this stay was unplanned, fell in middle of a busy semester, and put us in a city we never intended on visiting. Truth be told, we're bored and aware of work that awaits us when normalcy returns. Will I sleep better tonight?

I would like to go see a movie but did not bring a jacket or any warm enough clothes to sit in an air conditioned movie theater. The cooler-warmer switch on our room temperature control (pointed at warmer) has condensation.

Our poor helpless Timminy Tivo is without power and hidden behind a protective blanket. I miss it.

I have a desire to laugh.

Clearly, my problems are few.

Speculating

It's Friday I think. Hurricane Rita (lovely metermaid?) is scheduled to hit on Saturday and that's tomorrow so today must be Friday. See, I've got it all together (Wishful thinking? A necessary anxiety-lowering delusion?). David and I are safe and comfortable in Dallas. We drove from Beaumont once worst of traffic problems had (we thought) been alleviated somewhat. We chose a route that seemed promising for forward movement. We moved, albeit slowly, up the eastern border of Texas to I-20 then drove 150 miles to a hotel which is booked solid, like all others along our route (thanks to David's dad who, from California, secured us this gorgeous hotel room to hunker down in). 340 mile trip took 13 hours (normal route/traffic would take about 4-5 hours). We've been amusing ourselves best we can with music and impromptu word games. Now exploring possibilities for semblance of normalcy for one day in Dallas. Unpacked groceries and books, computers etc into hotel room. They brought us a mini fridge for the cheese and fruit we brought along. Tonight we went out and had a yummy dinner at Avila's on Maple (recommended). Tomorrow we'll check on hurricane, adjust plans accordingly, then settle in for normal work stuff.

I love the response we've gotten from family and friends, concerned for our well being and safety. I draw energy and feelings of safety from the many calls and emails we have received. Alas, I feel bad reporting that we are currently calm and finding ways to be sane and normal. We are letting nature take its course and hoping for the best. Over the last few days as we prepared the house for possible storm approach, I never wavered from my belief that all would work out okay. Operating from another perspective would paralyze me. I work from known facts, not speculation. Speculation makes me anxious.

Here's what I expect to happen:
* definite power outages, for up to a week. Our power is sensitive under normal storm conditions; we've had lengthy outages in the past and this is unlikely to be significantly worse. (knock on wood)
* our street will flood, probably rising as high up as a third of the driveway. We've had flooding before from the torrential rains that last days, filling the myriad drainage ditches that cross the city. The backyard can take a lot of water--it flows out across yards and becomes a lake.
* small and medium size tree limbs will fall. Again, this happens under normal storm conditions. We had two trees removed in July. Remaining trees in yard (4 oaks, 1 pine, 1 magnolia) will do what they must. Odds are they will fall away from house. (knock on wood)

Right now we are safe and comfortable. We have a car full of important documents, food, water, bedding, mementos, computers and cell phones, fresh baked cookies (mmm, Mrs. Fields recipe chocolate chip augmented by pecans and ground flaxseed), and a faithful traveling companion (aka Pavel). Hope for the best. (My knuckles hurt from all the knocking on wood I've been doing.) We'll keep you posted.

Confusion

I live in such a confused world. I undoubtedly reap the rewards of a capitalist, consumer society and yet when I turn my awareness to it, I do not like it. I guess that's called self loathing.

I don't like consuming the results of profit-inflating, environmentally unsustainable practices that food producers feel it necessary to use. I prefer to eat a balanced diet (that I eat too much of it is another issue entirely). I buy organic whenever such options present themselves, and I seek out those options. I eat meat in moderation, choose soy and whole grains, and prepare meals from scratch more frequently than not. Sounds good, doesn't it? But what difference does it make? I've done the above things for a long time but lately my actions have become more fashionable. As new "healthy" alternative products arrive at the store I buy them, as do others who are more gullible and less long-term minded. Buy. Through my dollars I encourage the proliferation of organic products (If you can't beat em, join em). Organic produce, dairy products, cereal, broth. Recently I purchased Prego brand's organic pasta sauce. I bought in to corporate America's takeover of organic. Argh! What's worse, that pasta sauce tasted so good, like the old days. I am happy that Prego made an organic sauce, but sad that its sweet smoothness allows people to feel they are eating more healthfully while consuming the same old junk food. Organic does not in itself make the food healthy for your body (though for the planet, more so, yes).

But does organic mean the same thing to corporate America as to a longstanding organic dairy coop? I highly doubt it. Should I care? Should you? Moral questions, I know. Anyway, check out some of the discussion on the questions of what is organic, who ought to decide, and what products can rightfully be labeled organic? If you are in any way interested in organic, you owe it to yourself to know what's going on.

The USDA definition as I recall had a struggle to begin with and has continued to be under threat of dilution. The Consumers Union wrote a piece on the organic labeling debate, including recent changes that allow shampoos and cosmetics to be "organic", undoubtedly for increased profit. Or here's a lighter news story version of the debate.

Profit. That's the word that gets me. There is no shame in wealth (repeat ten times). However, I think there is shame in ostentation, profit-minded manipulation, willful ignorance, and wanton disregard for workers and society. Of course, all of this is from my perspective. I imagine highly paid corporate CEOs and boards believe they are doing nothing wrong, therefore they feel no shame. They probably don't even think they are in any way overpaid. They work vey very hard to earn that money.

I'm losing logic now, head pounding, eyes blurred. The Corporation dvd has been on our shelf, waiting to be viewed, for weeks. (See the IMDB description/info.) We watched it this weekend, and now I know why I've been putting it off. It makes me angry. The "it": for-profit corporations have become first class citizens, de facto and officially, without expectations of practicing good citizenship. Hmm, that's not so different from the general population, now that I think about it. Argh. I'm understanding the allure of junk food and cheesy television right about now. Must be strong.... Apart from self righteousness, what does holding out do for me? Why is it about me at all? Argh! I live a confused life. Personal problem, I know.

Blurry

Where have I been? It's a fair question, I agree. I can both see where the time has gone and am totally ignorant of its passing. I don't think I'm getting much done, but there is certainly lots to do. Sometimes this kind of situation builds itself to a little anxiety attack. I plan to avoid that.

I must get going again, get some rhythm to my progress. I've got several research projects going on, lots of writing, observing, some calculating. There are three classes, each with its own project or paper. Cars needed some attention and I gave them their due. The yard still needs my attention. I look at it and think, boy if I just went out there for 2 hours I could make it look nicer. And then I move on to some other, far less immediately necessary activity.

David badly needed some attention and (I hope) I gave him his due. Oddly enough, Katrina hit David more ferociously than geography would imply. He's had a truly awful month.

Entertainment

I've got two new movie reviews, for March of the Penguins and The Aristocrats. That's right, folks, I combined 'em. Oddly appropriate pair actually.

Movie season is waning. I'm preparing myself for the fall television season now. I enjoy television. Go ahead, judge me.

David and I have become quite absorbed in The O.C. We're catching up via DVD but order doesn't seem to matter much. What I love about it is that you can read the detailed episode description and still want to watch the actual show. The dialogue is funny, the characters are perfectly likable or dislikable, and the soapiness of it all is fabulous.

Favorites are returning soon...Arrested Development, Lost, Gilmore Girls (I'm worried about direction here), West Wing.

David has finally brought me around to Scrubs, but only in small doses. I love some parts of the show and hate others.

The 4400 closed out its summer season quite satisfactorily. Ditto for Entourage.

Canadian teen show Degrassi (on The N) ended stupidly last spring. Way stupidly. But new season begins in October and from the previews I'm hopeful it will return to good form.

I love VH1's celebreality shows.

I watch Desperate Housewives but I admit I don't love it. I really like some of the storylines and loathe others. I tend to watch Survivor in slow or medium fast forward after the first two episodes and first five minutes of each subsequent episode. Alias has my head scratching and I pretty much gave up on it. ER was good for a bit last season, but my brief flirtation with it is well over.

I only have time to watch TV because of Timminy. I don't channel flip and I don't watch just to kill time. It is focused entertainment. In and out. Aren't you envious that David gets to live with me? :)

Humor?

That's right, there have been other events this past week, things other than the start of the fall television season. Like a stampede that killed almost a thousand people in a matter of hours in constitution-hopeful Iraq. Al Qaeda claimed responsibility for the London bombings (I suspect they were feeling shut out from the news). There's an interesting piece in the Economist this week about possibilities for native Hawaiian indpendence that would give them the same happy options that native Americans possess (must read to understand). Or check out the latest bad news from Africa, where long term ailments mix with day-to-day crises. Honestly, when do we hear good news stories coming out of Africa? I do believe there is much good going on in this vast continent. My dad's birthday is one week from today; that'll be a day of celebration to be sure. Oh, and apparently there was a natural and man-helped disaster somewhere in the southern United States.

I've missed my humor and sarcasm. The above was a practice run, in the event that future circumstances require immediate implementation. It's all about planning and foresight for me this week.

Disaster

Yet again, I'd be a lot less anxious if I just turned off the television.

Living in Southeast Texas, travelling back and forth on I-10 between Beaumont and Houston, it's kind of hard to avoid the news this week. The outpouring of genuine concern and the widespread offerings of help that I've witnessed in Houston this week have been amazing. Too bad the powers that be (nameless and faceless) seem intent on mucking it up. Too bad that this disaster was foreseeable. Too bad the victims come from a city that is much loved with a population that is largely disenfranchised.

I could go on and on about the hurricane, the flooding, the looting, the television coverage (irate reporters included). I could tell you about the free meals at Ikea on Monday, which seemed unnecessary to relieved New Orleans residents who had evacuated early and thought the worst case was avoided. I could tell you about the upbeat evacuees I talked to at the Astrodome. I could tell you my thoughts on the likelihood that a fair number of the evacuees have mental health, addiction, or other significant personal issues that crisis, well, doesn't bring out the best of. On the bright side, maybe some of those people will receive some medical attention. Pessimist in me adds, in the short term. I could go on, but I won't.

Check out some of the international response .

PART TWO I wrote the following to my brother. I was sharing some things that David and I have been pondering the last few days. David's efforts meanwhile are very focused--he is working night and day to produce an open source solution to communication overlaps among the evacuees and families. He's working with a team to create in essence a clearinghouse of the message boards and listings of "I'm safe" and "Where are you?" websites, big and small. Okay, my most recent thoughts....

The New Orleans stuff is, I hope, educational overall. A total and complete lack of productive leadership at any level seems to me the key problem. I actually
really like the New Orleans mayor, as a speaker, an advocate. Unfortunately, he's not someone who keeps his head down and makes things happen. Ditto for Blanco, the governor of Louisiana. They're good people, but not crisis management sorts. I'm not sure those are even expected responsibilities for the position.

You're supposed to be able to rely on the emergency management directors and teams--city, state, and then--when things require coordination beyond local
capacity--federal. The crazy behavior was anomalous but made for excellent news. It takes a portion of overall population to go nuts to make things look absolutely horrible to the outside (and without food, water, power, news of any kind, or worse, false promises whether solicited or not, and certainly a lack of normalcy I'd go a little nuts too). Majority of people in New Orleans who did not evaucate figured
either the blow would not come (and indeed, they've been hit with strong hurricane before and survived) or they'd just be killed. It's the limbo I think no one
imagined, and the levees breaking was really the problem. See, when the storm blew by, there was widespread relief. Powers that be simply did not foresee a levee breaking after the fact like that. Then with the area inaccessible and emergency teams poorly equipped or coordinated, things fell apart. The search and rescue efforts were great but there were too many people for the crews available. People came in from all over with their airboats and duck-hunting boats to drive the city looking for people. But lots of people were trapped inside and it took a long time
to get into the open. The looters at first were the idiots--tv's, beer, DVD's. Come on. Some broke into pharmacies for the drugs--not hard to imagine who those people were. Almost immediately normal people saw (and local police could not disagree) that help was going to be a while and food/water/medicine/diapers became essential and
immediate commodities (every person for themselves, I heard again and again). People were crazed by a lack of direction and no clear signs of assistance of any
kind. It's dang hot down here recently, and with all that plus water all around people can't have been sleeping much, and certainly never cooled off.

It's not like these people volunteered for this, not military trained or necessarily mentally astute normally. These are just people, mostly poor, lots unhappy about their lot in life anyway, living in rundown houses in a very proud southern city. You've got the normal assortment of mentally ill, homeless, addicted, criminal, macho, old, infirm, and those with just a general lack of common sense.

I don't think most of these people imagined themselves ever leaving New Orleans. They're out now. I have a feeling a lot of people won't return, will be absorbed
into urban poor elsewhere. My hope is that many will receive medical/mental health assistance that otherwise would be unknown or practically/structurally unavailable to them. As I predicted, the Astrodome medical help (there's a major medical complex just up the road and those personnel are putting in very long hours) have noted presence of drug and alcohol withdrawal patients. Someone noticed. Phew.

David pointed out that the response from the federal government strikes him as exactly the sort of thing Bush wants--leave it to local government and community
organizations (some federal officials are pointing responsibility to locals who simply didn't ask for help). Fine and good that locals and community groups
are the ones who actually do the work, but coordination, crisis leadership are essential to utilizing those resources. That isn't federal responsibilitiy, or anyone else's inherently. I would have hoped, though, that someone along the chain would
possess some focused energy, some foresight. I think we're facing a perfect storm of leadership needs and everyone sank. And a massive cost, given the scrimp now (or pay for less important things needlessly)-pay later funding systems we've got in place. Not a Democrat-Republican problem--this is an American institutional problem. It's structural.

Houston actually did a great job for the most part (there have been a few significant kinks). The city faced major flooding 4 years ago with unpredictably intense tropical storm Alison and had to mobilize help back then. They learned something from it and had some plans in place, albeit still not sufficient for disaster of this magnitude, especially for out-of-staters. Anyway, the people remember what that time was like (when you look at houses, the reference point for structural history is always Alison). Help has been widespread and genuine.

Being here/there in the middle of evacuations and 24-hour local news is very interesting. I was over at the Astrodome/Reliant Park when buses and evacuees
were arriving and wandering. The response there has been fantastic, and people are rallying to help. In Beaumont, 90 miles closer to New Orleans, evacuees are
tougher to find. There's a major shelter in town (the local sports complex) and of course lots of small church shelters, plus hotels are booked. But the feel
here is different. I can drive around town and not see Louisiana license plates--definitely not the case in Houston where every other car is from Louisiana. I'm guessing though that if I went to the largely-black neighborhoods here that I might find lots of families being housed with friends and relatives. One Beaumont
station for a while broadcast its sister station's signal from New Orleans, showing slow flyover helicopter views of all the hurricane-hit areas, including Mississippi, one neighborhood after another for viewers to see if their house is standing,
flooded, etc. There are areas in Miss. that are unbelievably devastated, even the newest hurricane and surge-designed construction.

I'm sure more thoughts will come....

Okay, this Economist article on the subject says it better than I.

What work?

Not that you asked, but...
Have I mentioned that I like the work I do? I get lots of practical program evaluation research experience. I'm learning SPSS, attending meetings, and writing reports. I have done observations and interviews. I am a member of the program evaluation team. Very official. But don't try to call me, because I don't have a phone.

My workspace does leave something to be desired. It's my second straight day of sitting at the fall 05 version of my office desk. I cleaned and rearranged things yesterday, for a fresh start. I can't rearrange much, pitching the tired old computer out the window is not possible (the windows don't open), and adding noise would intrude on others. I have no phone, no personal drawer, and practically no office supplies. I have pencils but cannot find a pencil sharpener in the office (this will become a problem soon).

Taking up a fair amount of my desk space is a big new extra-long-cord power strip waiting to be plugged in behind the behemoth cabinet next to me (cabinet=not mine); the old power strip plugged into another power strip routine that's being used now is (shockingly) not okay with the fire marshal. In the meantime, the old power strip is about to knock out my neighbor's power strip from the wall outlet, and I must gently un/plug my laptop each day. Neither of us --nor anyone human--can reach the outlet. There's a work order request to move the cabinet aside and swap out the power strips.

Last weekend someone deposited a matching pencil canister and small bin (seems too big for paperclips or small PostIts, too small for medium PostIts) on my desk next to the two-tier paper trays I've got prominently positioned at the corner of the desk most likely to make this area appear inhabited. On many occasions I have come in to work to find either a person working at my desk or junk piled on my desk. A printer last week got me excited; it wasn't for me. The printer soon disappeared but the box stayed behind.

Yesterday I made a little sign to post above my desk, stating my name, position, hours (not that anyone else cares) and some amusing quotes. A personal favorite, from the small, talk-heavy and strange movie Metropolitan: "It's a tiny bit arrogant of people to go around worrying about those less fortunate." It's meant as an amusement. Hmm, I hope people realize that.

My "co-workers" are extremely nice, and they have all learned my name (I've worked here since June). I know most of theirs. Oops. Unfortunately, I have little to no idea what most of them do, particularly because I have nothing to do with any of them apart from sharing an awkwardly divided space. They work as program staff or administrative help for various programs presumably funded by grants my boss has received over the years (he's something of a veteran power player around here). I on the other hand am a research assistant (the lowly paid, grad student variety). Our boss is Robert Houston (I dropped the Dr. part--it's pretentious and doesn't fit Bob's style), a professor, former Dean, and executive director of the Institute for Urban Education. He is a kindly old white guy surrounded by women (mostly black). Collectively we have a suite of offices behind some imposing glass doors. I'm behind the wall that faces the doors. I dare you to find me. And bring something warm to drink or wear, because it is always freezing in here.

All of these things amuse me. Does your workspace/environs amuse you?

Scheduled Fun

Starting tomorrow, nearly every hour of my days will be scheduled until December. Making a schedule (even breakfast and fun times are written in ink) is my compulsive attempt to get into school mode. Look for me in Beaumont on Sundays (the day of rest) and Mondays (the day of housework). I'll be at work a little bit on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and all day on Thursdays and Fridays. I'm hoping to catch two exercise classes on the same day. I expect to sleep well at night: I don't have time for naps. :)

I don't expect there to be a whole lot of new movie viewing going on this fall, so enjoy fresh movie reviews while they're available. Last week I saw Broken Flowers (starring Bill Murray and Jeffrey Wright) and Wedding Crashers (starring Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson), two very different approaches to relationship issues.

Codgerdom

News that one Carrie Underwood, who I think is from American Idol, will update jingles for Hershey's candies has me feeling old. "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't." This saying has lost all musical meaning for me, and giving it back some in a newfangled form threatens one of my favorite conversational non sequiturs. It is perfect inane banter. On the other hand, now that I'm reminiscing, I've got the Kit Kat jingle in my head; that one definitely needs to be improved or eradicated.

Watching MTV Europe we saw endless ads for ringtones. Granted I am not a big cellphone fan or user, but I'm pretty sure even if I was, I would not be overwhelmed by a need to buy ringtones. I have no desire to hear how bad a favorite song can sound when collapsed down into electronic gadgetry language. Hmmm, maybe not my true feelings. I created a ringtone. So fascinated was I by the freebie cellphone's ability to have music notes entered that I looked up the piano sheet music for two favorite classical tunes and entered them. We've got Mussorgsky's Pictures at an Exhibition and Rimsky-Korsakov's Scheherezade tinkling out from the backpack. Of course, the phone is off most hours of the day. And I don't think spending $3 a pop to hear a favorite tune, classical or otherwise, is worth it. Learn to read music, people. Enter the tones yourself! So I'm showing myself to be judgmental and cheap. This is a banner day for me. :) Actually I'm just not a big fan of mindlessness and consumerism. Wait, are those codewords for judgmental and cheap? Or is it judgemental? As I sit here getting older, even spellings are changing.

Completing my codgerdom, I am also very not into text messaging. Since I have never done it, maybe I shouldn't be so definite in my opinion. But from what I've seen, it's all about cramming endless pointless comments into as small a space as possible, repeatedly. I have a rather low tolerance for ridiculous lingo and slang, and slang mixed with I-can't-spell-so-why-bother? abbreviations makes me a bit cranky. See, I'm not just feeling old, I'm acting it.

Reading

I've been reading Jasper Fforde's Thursday Next novels recently and thoroughly enjoying them. I would recommend them wholesale to others except that I recognize their limited appeal. Okay, here's the premise and I will let you decide whether to seek them out: It's 1985 in an alternate universe, where literature is at the center of pop culture and Zeppelins dominate the skies. Dodos have been brought back from extinction and a megacorporation named Goliath has influence over all aspects of government. The British continue their war with Russia over the Crimea and Winston Churchill is unknown. Thursday Next, daughter of a time traveling Chronoguard renegade, is employed as a literary detective, someone who authenticates newfound works by long-dead authors and deals with people who fancy themselves characters out of classic fiction. In the first book, The Eyre Affair, Thursday's past familiarity with the loathsome Acheron Hades puts her at the center of a deadly--and often surreal--manhunt. Both of them end up inside the world of Jane Eyre. Sound good to you?

On vacation I read The Jane Austen Book Club. Its reviews had been decidedly mixed. Some had listed it as a funny (as in humorous) sort of book but I see it as much more a human drama. Maybe a dramedy. Anyway, I found it lovely and thought provoking. It is the story of a reading group brought together by one dog-loving, single middle aged woman and her best friend who is going through a divorce. The other members have been selected for their love of Austen or their potential contribution to the group. Each member takes charge of a discussion and along the way we learn each member's back story as well as a bit about Austen and her works. A nice read.

My bedtime reading at present is I Capture the Castle. More nice reading. It's the 1930's or so, and a quirky family lives in a rented castle in England. They used to have money but are now dirt poor. The protagonist Cassandra writes in her journal whenever time and light allow. Apparently the entirety of the book is a six-month period when she's 17. That's it. It's wonderful, even though there doesn't seem to be a point. Perfect for bedtime reading.

Every new book I read inspires a new idea for a book in my head. I've got tons of ideas, and some of them might even be readable! :) On long drives and in inspired quiet times I plot out aspects of the story, flesh out bits of the characters, and imagine myself a well regarded novelist (cart before horse, I know). I've heard that everyone fancies themself a potential author, that it's quite the cliche, "I'm going to write a novel." But I know that one day I will do it. Will you? What will your book be about?

RIP

I learned at the airport in Dallas, awaiting our final flight home, that Peter Jennings died while we were away. This makes me very sad. I loved him; of all the major news anchors, apart from Walter Cronkite, Peter told my kind of news. His death is sad, sad news indeed.

Vacation

Things I learned while on vacation:
Traveling to and from the Dodecanese can be much more difficult than it sounds.
Turkey is quite eager to gain EU membership and is not beneath groveling to get it.
MTV Europe is dominated by Germans.
SPF 50 keeps out all evidence of having spent time in the sun, even two weeks' time.
Much of "old Rhodes" is actually quite recent construction.
You must cover your shoulders and wear a skirt that covers your knees to enter a monastery--unless you brazenly walk by the entrance wearing whatever you want.
Genghis Khan was an honorific title, not a given name.
Turkish apple tea is fabulous, and probably contains no tea whatsoever.
You can be one of 13 people on a 49 foot sailboat and still get a decent night's sleep, particularly if you're one of the lucky ones to have a cabin and good air flow.
Goat in red sauce is tasty.
I can eat bunches of lightly breaded/fried little fishies whole.
Turkish rugs use two knots while Persian rugs use only one, but neither method is superior to the other.
Silk rugs are shiny and enticingly pretty.
High season in the Greek islands is meant for people whose bedtime is well past mine.
In my experience, the Greeks are wonderfully spirited, proud, and generous.

Relaxation

Hard to imagine, but I'm on vacation and will be far from the Internet for a few weeks. Talk to you when I return....

Memories

As I was driving back from Houston this evening, I glimpsed a TCU sticker on a passing car and was reminded of a fabulous football game I attended in what seems like another lifetime. I was a grown adult at the time and still it seems a lifetime ago. Anyway, I got to reminiscing. Since the drive had another hour left, there was a lot of tape to play over in the head. I started forming a list, in no particular order, of cherished memories. I realized that a lot of them are from a decade or more ago. Odd, because I think I'm a much happier, more content person now than I was then. Maybe these moments stand out because they existed within a framework of insecurity and self loathing.

There are lots of things I remember that I am happy to have experienced and learned a great deal from, but not all were utterly satisfying in the moment. Sometimes I wish I could experience those things again; but just as Phil Connors discovered in Groundhog Day, you can't recreate a moment. It just happens. I feel fortunate to have been able not only to experience so many wonderful things but to have saved those memories as moments to be happy about, and to revel in. After all, at what other time can you really be happy other than right now?

Vocabulary

Random thoughts: My brain isn't being very coherent lately; I blame it on a lack of sunshine. Our forecast for the last two weeks (and next two undoubtedly) is isolated or scattered thunderstorms. And for the record: sugar-free butterscotch instant pudding is nasty. I should have known that already, shouldn't I?

I've given David this quote to put on his wall at work, but so far it's not made it off the desk. It deserves a wider audience.

Computers make people even better and smarter than they were made by previous thingamabobs. Or if some people prove incorrigibly wicked or stupid or both, computers will at least speed them up.

Wendell Barry, from "The Joy of Sales Resistance"

The latest Harry Potter book is amusing, but I'm at odds with the hype. I really enjoy the the story and characters (well, except for Ron who exceedingly annoys me). I dislike the simple language. Rowling could stand to invest in a thesaurus, for the sake of the millions of impressionable youth she quite consciously targets. I also felt like this latest installment banged me over the head with too many details. It seemed obvious what was going to happen--in many of the plotlines--and I grew restless and somewhat troubled halfway through. Fortunately Harry remains very compelling, and I push on in respect and admiration for him.

Speaking of word choice...I am awed by the Republican Party's attention to language. Their message machine is indeed impressive in its reach. I want to know how they manage to distribute the key phrases and terminology that are so consistently used in public statements. And I want to see the setting in which these phrases are agreed upon. Whoever is in charge is one powerful person. Any guesses as to whom this might be? (I'll give you three, and the first two don't count.)

Bunches

Happy birthday to Tony and Tony, father and son, my cousins; two days away from wife/mom Rena's birthday. AND it's their anniversary. That's a happy few days I hope. Happy birthday! Happy anniversary!

It's funny how events can bunch up. Sherri's birthday is same day as her parents' anniversary and her own anniversary is around then too. My brother Brian and uncle Gary share their birthday. My mom and my uncle Bob E. share a birthday, which is very near my cousin Charlotte's and great uncle Ken's. Todd and Julie, who have been in the same room twice in their lives, share birthday in February and anniversary day/year in July. Now that's a little odd. My dad, cousin Angela, and grandfather are just days apart (though certainly decades apart!) in their birthdays. My grandparents Alice and Carl had their anniversary on same day as my grandma Ginny's birthday; then my mom's friend JoAnn has same birthday. June is a busy baby month and a very popular one for weddings; let's trace back nine months--why so many birthdays in June?

Birthdays a day apart confound me when attempting to mail cards. David's brother and sister have birthdays a day apart. Is Kalpana's the 8th or 9th? Whichever one hers is, my grandma Alice's is the other. David's mom's is either the day before or after Shannin's. I think Erin T.C. is a day away from Greg, and one of them shares the day with Sean. Ack, I'm getting confused again. Must keep better notes. I've obtained a birthday calendar and am trying to fill it in. By next year I'll actually get cards to people on time. Wow!

And then there are all the offspring these days--ack, my birthday calendar is already overflowing. Could we schedule people to spread their marriages and procreation out a bit? :)

Wanting

Two months ago, on an otherwise normal day, I was overwhelmed by a deep feeling of longing. I didn't have a specific desire, just this amazing internal pressure. It was exhilarating and confusing. Where had it come from? What could satisfy it? I just went with the flow, continued with normal activities (including some deep breaths), and it eventually petered out. I've enjoyed all sorts of joys and sorrows but never anything so all-consuming as that pressure. The closest I come to it is in the debriefing period after some dreams.

My sleep almost always produces a dream or two. Sometimes I can explain the source for a dream's content in recent thoughts and events, other times I am astounded at what the old noggin taps into from the recesses of my brain. People from the past and present blend together in a timeless plot. Places I don't recall ever seeing in the real world come to life in vivid color in my dreams. Many of my dreams produce so realistic a world that upon waking I know that world not as a dream but as reality. It can be hours or even a day later before I recognize its fictional source. Once acknowledged, a few dreams store themselves in my memory, like a good book or movie. Sometimes I am immediately conscious of the dream, and a sadness washes over me; the dream had offered me access to some person or place that reality does not allow.

Ten Questions

I just took a survey methods class. Before the class I played with online survey programs. Now I want to play some more, but I need help making up questions. I'm not shooting for a unifying theme here, just sample questions that might amuse people enough to reply and get me some practice with this software.

Do you have a burning "question" that you'd be willing to let me use for a practice survey? They're actually statements to which you agree or disagree or they are questions of frequency or number. For example (bad examples, but examples nonetheless): Online surveys are a waste of time. Strongly disagree to strongly agree. How many times a day do you suck in your gut? 0, 1-2, 3-4, 5 or more. Feel free to submit a possible survey/poll question in the comments box or via email.

A Third of a Library

A Third of a Library
Originally uploaded by Hellemic.

If things around me are in chaos visually, in physical disarray or lacking a clear path or access, I become anxious. I must have been an extremely anxious youth, then, for my room growing up was always a disaster. I know now that keeping things tidy, organizing where chaos reigned for too long, I am made happy. I have always known this, but now I know to take action on it. So in this room where I like to sit, our office/library, I recently organized some of our books.

We have six floor-to-ceiling bookcases; the bottom two shelves are covered by doors and thus jampacked full. Unfortunately there is not a librarian to return things to their logical order when books are pulled for use and returned. Reshelving would have been easier if the books were pretty much organized to begin with, but they were only loosely so--itself quite a feat given the number of books we only truly realized we had when we brought them all together in this house and room. So, with a busy spring piles dominated and the hyperventilating became routine once again. One dedicated weekend I set about getting it all in order. What to others might appear a waste of precious time (several big assignments were bearing down on me), felt to me like a release. I needed to clear my head.

It is about halfway done. The cupboards remain a jumbled mess of resources and many are only half full (or a mere 1 layer deep) but I've dug through the remaining boxes enough times to know roughly where to find everything. Here you can see one-third of our "library". The other side of the room is dominated by the desk and technology. The old with the new. Welcome.

MUSIC: The solid state stereo provided aural entertainment during my organizing time. The previous owners left for us the stereo and speakers, on cute little custom built shelves under the window. So I listened to the local public radio station (classical midday), the rock station (which plays current popular hard rock songs whether they are worth listening to or not), and then Delilah on the cheesy adult soft rock station (sounds so X-rated--it's decidedly not).

Christian Bible

I love religious thought. I respect and admire the fact that people spend time pondering their place in the universe. I've long considered myself, philosophically, a Buddhist. However, [looking out for lightning strike...] I think I'm actually more of a fan of Jesus than a lot of Christians. It's no competition I realize, but it comes as a bit of surprise to me, someone who neither believes in a "God" nor associates myself in any way other than USA cultural identity with Christianity. I should add that my feelings about Jesus are for him as a teacher and a great historical figure, not as a religious icon. (Full disclosure is necessary--I do not wish to misrepresent myself or trample on others' beliefs here. I'm sharing what are intriguing thoughts to me. Feel free to comment.)

There are many who reject traditional religions in their lives. My hero Thich Nhat Hanh has explored this idea many a time; check out one of his talks on the subject of spiritual ancestors of Buddhists and Christians. I think there are a lot of "Christians" out there who aren't living very Jesus-oriented lives. If, as Thich Nhat Hanh says, my spiritual ancestors are Christian (the recent ones at any rate), it is no wonder to me that Buddhism would be appealing or that upon examination I might consider Jesus's teachings quite acceptable as well. Buddhist teachings and Jesus's teachings are an awful lot alike (in spirit, which is really where my reading focuses--I'm not a strict interpreter of anything). A discussion on the subject raises a number of interesting (though not all relevant) points of comparison. And the website jesusisbuddha makes their case for a quite eyebrow-raising claim. I don't feel I'm well read enough to speculate on the chances of a direct connection, but similarities in philosophy undeniably exist. Don't just take my word for it--check out one of many books on the subject, either from a Buddhist or a Christian perspective.

As a freshman in college, I loved nothing more than hearing new perspectives. Oddly, although raised generically "Christian", I had always felt more attuned to and aware of non-Christian faiths (and I never believed in Jesus Christ or God, well, except as a historical literary figure or a white bearded guy sitting in the clouds with as many televisions as people on earth, but that's a separate story). So in college, at an extremely non-mainstream sort of campus, I learned lots about Christianity. Tara had gone to a Catholic school and argued vehemently the pros/cons of that faith and its history; her experiences compared with Alison's (an Irish exchange student). And my sophomore year I lived across the hall from four devoutly Christian students (quite the anomaly at UCSC). They opened my eyes to the wonders of their faith; it was positive, thorough, and rooted in critical exploration. One of the things they had was a dictionary of the Bible. Pick a topic and they could find Biblical passages that touched on it. Without going into a Christian bookstore, I'd love to get one of these things. I'm afraid explaining why I'd like one to the store employees might get me kicked out. Isn't that sad?

Bible means a lot of things to a lot of people, and the words inside get used to justify myriad actions and beliefs. The Christian Bible refers to the sum total of the Old and New Testaments, with the sacred Christian bits residing in the New. I heard Sister Helen Prejean say one time that she is a "New Testament Christian" and something clicked for me. What does it mean to be "Christian"? I've got this idea to scour the New Testament for evidence of Jesus's support for the practices and espoused beliefs of alleged "Christians" today. A comparison of this info with statements from the Old Testament and then to current practices and beliefs would complete an obsession of mine over where people base their ideologies. Thankfully, there are others who've done much of this work already. Phew, yet again I realize I am not insanely alone in this worldview of mine. On the subject of war and peace, check out a theologian's article on the subject of Old Testament versus New Testament views on war, and a monk's review of the history of Catholic "Just War" theory.

Holiday

Classes are mostly over and my long-delayed birthday weekend is here. Yea! Recipe for a delectable birthday cake: devil's food mini loaves supplemented with dark chocolate chips, cakes cut in half and filled with generous layer of cooked buttercream; cakes are then covered with a cooked dutch/dark chocolate icing. I threw in a 1/2 cup or so of ground flaxseed, so I could argue the cake was not wholly unhealthy. Marginally healthy or not, the cake was so rich that it made me sick--my heart was racing and I was having trouble breathing. But in a good way. Hmm, sick feeling might have begun with finger licking during preparation.

We went and saw War of the Worlds. Movie tickets are inexpensive here, and I'm not sorry to have given $5 for this show. We got lots of previews and a roller coaster of a movie. Tom Cruise, in spite of his bizarrely insensitive-to-prudence-or-sense recent behavior, is still a charismatic actor.

Happy July 4th! My cooking continues today with a foray into wacky burger land. I'm not a big hamburger eater, but I love veggie burgers. I'm going to attempt a merger today: Nature's Burger (from Fantastic Foods) mixed in with ground beef, some sauteed onion, and worcestershire sauce. For added pizazz I also threw in a hefty serving of crumbled goat cheese for half the burger mixture. David says there's too much cheese. We'll see. UPDATE: The cheese provided flavor but not cheesiness and definitely no gooeyness. Overall texture of the burgers was crumbly and rich, not beefy at all. Perfect!

Latest Pew Global Attitudes Survey on America's image in the world shows the USA is not so positively viewed by many in the rest of the world including Europe. Confirming numbers do intrigue me but the notion that we aren't god's gift to the universe really doesn't come as a surprise. I love my country; I'm not so fond of our foreign policy and (lack of) diplomacy. As one of the speakers on CBS's Sunday Morning report about the Pew survey said, powerful countries can behave as kindly older siblings or as bullying older siblings. We're venturing into bully-land. How do you realize you're the one being the bully? Isn't the first step in solving a problem admitting that you have one?

Learn more about foreign affairs. Take a look at the Council on Foreign Relations.

MUSIC DU JOUR: Natalie Merchant's Ophelia. Gorgeous, positive, soul-searing music and lyrics.

Privacy

Privacy
Originally uploaded by Hellemic.

For my birthday, David agreed to shred the old documents we had sitting around with lots of intriguing personal information in it. It took over the entire floor of the living room and obscured the television (quite a feat).