Work on my dissertation is dr a a a gg i n g. I've taken it on as my job to get this thing done. The longer I spend on this, the further off (and more pressing) all of life's other challenges and goals become.
I've long had a fixation on the gap between possibility and reality, as well as between what has been and what is. Being "capable" of doing something does not mean I will actually do it. Having been capable of something in the past does not mean I can do it now. My dissertation is something I am capable of doing, and am, on average, in fact doing. I am encouraged by others' faith in me as well as my self confidence and stubbornness to follow through. There's also the reward of being done, accomplishing a goal, and having another item for the old job resume.
But sometimes the belief that I am capable holds me back at times. I sit and think, oh I know it will get done. Certainty without action is delusion. Thinking and doing are two different things. Awareness, control, and discipline of the self, in varying orders, must come into play for my belief to become action. Sigh. Back to work...
In happier news, we got new sheets for the bed and they are fabulous. They're deep red and soft. At least one red thing gave me pleasure this weekend, unlike this red thing. Hmph. Best get back to work before I start stewing again.
2 comments:
It sounds like you need another trip back to campus! You need to be in an educational environment to get the dissertation juices flowing! :)
Or maybe coming out to Houston I'd have too much fun playing chess and driving around cemeteries to focus simply on my dissertation. But yes, on campus during the day I'd be tied down at a computer with only the inviting soda machine to serve as distraction.
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