Outlook

I'm cranky today. It happens from time to time, but not often enough that I know how to manage when it hits me. As a result I've been out of sorts all day. Normally I patiently overlook the neighbors' dog poop on the front lawn, the late mail (dated Aug 18, arrived today), and the hair that falls in my eyes. Not today. And nothing has improved my mood either. Not the tasty chocolate ding dong I ate this afternoon, not the sheepish grin and wave of the man who good naturedly cut me off on the way home. And most sadly of all, not even the music that has enthralled me for the last week (thank you Neko and Emiliana for trying). I'd like to think that those with whom I have interacted today noticed a difference from the usual, but it's possible that any perceived change in demeanor was purely in my head. I can only hope that my dreariness and lack of feeling efficacious is negatively correlated to David's success on his presentation. That could make me happy.

Update: Crankiness turned out to be indicator of looming physical illness. Note to self when cranky again--stay home and avoid people.

Guts

Wow. I have a very strong stomach and a fascination with anatomy and physiology, but I may have met my match this time. Last week I had Timminy record a 45-minute documentary on HBO called The Virtual Corpse. Words rather escape me at this moment after watching it, and I think most of you couldn't stomach the details. But suffice it to say this is one captivatingly real show. It tells the background of the man whose body became the source material for the National Library of Medicine's Visible Human Project. Joseph Paul Jernigan was an executed prisoner in Texas who agreed shortly before death to donate his body to science. In The Virtual Corpse we hear from family, lawyers, and scientists to get a full picture, no pun intended, of one man's life, death, and dismemberment.

Downgrading

"It's like an amicable divorce," he said. "The legal status has changed but the person really hasn't. It's just single again."

The IAU made it official. The news of Pluto's demotion from planetary status has deeply saddened me. Indeed I am in deep denial. I shall refuse all access to my old reference books or science texts for fear that someone will cross out the 9 and put an 8. [Okay, not that anyone is clamoring for access.] Next thing you know, we'll be reading about how the entering freshman class has never known anything but 8 planets. Sigh.

Pluto, 1930-2006
This enigmatic orbital oddity died this week at the age of 76. Address condolences to International Astronomical Union. Donations in lieu of flowers to neighborhood stargazing group.

Farewell, Pluto. I hardly knew ya, but you seemed like a nice planet. Rest in peace.

Quotability

I shall dedicate a post to things my co-worker Denisse says. I'll add to it as the need or inspiration arises.

We're having a Mexican fiesta themed lunch at work next week. Denisse (who was, by the way, born in Mexico) described a time when she was forced to wear her co-worker's fifth grade daughter's traditional Mexican dress and dance during a similarly themed luncheon. She wished not to repeat that experience, but thought other costumes might be fun. Then she recalled a Mexican costume she had worn proudly to another function: revolutionary. The only problem, she was told...

You can't take that rifle into church.

Denisse is delightfully fascinated by the Body Worlds exhibit which has been in Houston these last few months. I realized after the fact that she was referring to the plastination process at the heart of this exhibit when she told a co-worker this morning...

If you're going to have an abortion, you might as well donate it to science.

Indeed.

Sept 6: I heard some loud, aggressive alternative rock music emanating from Denisse's office today. I commented that I did not picture her as being a fan of, then I paused. "Head banging?" she finished the thought for me, and then went on to say...

You just have not met all my personalities yet.

Oct 25: Denisse paused as we were chatting and I thought she might have been leaving space for an implied profanity. It struck me that I never heard her swear, but that she might have that tendency, so I asked if that was the case. Her reply was affirmative. She added, without any prompt from me,...

I did not start cursing or drinking until I was married.

Her husband must be so proud. :)

Romantics

I don't know what it is about Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice that is so deeply satisfying, but it's become a bit of an obsession recently. Okay, I confess, I've been checking out fanfiction. Let me start by saying there's some really bad stuff out there. But then there is plenty to keep the heart atwitter (or some other cheesy, sigh-ful sort of response to boldfaced romanticism). For example, this 6-chapter long piece, a Darcy perspective from mid-novel to end called No Less a Gentleman, seems tolerably well written, it feels authentic. Or here's a fantastic blog which is largely "JA" related (with a healthy dose of other obsessions thrown in).

Jane Austen fans have created a glut of writing about, inspired by, and in critical support of the various novels, but Pride and Prejudice is the most hotly debated. [My choice of word there is quite appropriate given the, um, heat some fans have post facto ascribed to the novel's hero and heroine. You should see what some people have written about their feelings toward the Mr. Darcy pond diving scene in the BBC edition, and ensuing delight with Colin Firth. Oh my.] Anyway, I'm not looking into this fanfiction stuff for passionate alternatives to the confined manners portrayed in the original. I'm just enjoying the endless variations on a relatively simple story that bring hundreds, nay thousands or millions, of people together. It's a nice connection, wouldn't you agree?

[I can picture David rolling his eyes at all this, but then, I know how he reacted to the ending of the miniseries....]

Torrents

Soaked through. At the 4th floor it was gray but bright outside. Upon reaching 1st floor I heard an odd hollow thumping. The opened door revealed an awesome display of rain. Option: walk to car in rain, wait there for a break before walking to car (running versus walking would not have changed wetness outcome), or go back up to 4th floor and give up a bit on plan of leaving before commuter rush. I had places to be, like the grocery store for some school lunch snack items, so the decision was made--go for it.

The soaking through occurred almost instantly. The usual respite that comes with tree coverage had instead turned to collection raindrops. [What is the opposite in size of a droplet? Mere drops would not seem adequate for this rainfall.] Usually there are shallow, passable lanes through the sidewalks when it rains, but not today. Water came from all sides, as pools of it bounced up at me with every step. The warm water sloshing through my seen-better-days shoes reminded me of wading into tropical shores. I worried briefly about the books in my backpack until the droplets on my eyelashes made it difficult to see, thus distracting me. I smiled at fellow wet people, and none of them apepared any more concerned than I. I figured some drivers would take pity and allow easy crossing of the street. Maybe they too were blinded by the downpour, but either way they did not slow. By the time I made it to the parking lot I was hopping through puddles and reveling in my soakedness. A half mile down the road and all was dry--outside. Localized rainfall indeed.

Production

It's been long enough after the event that maybe it is safe to discuss now...When I was in New York on the subway, I sat next to a guy who was quietly memorizing lines for his part in an episode of The Sopranos. Okay a bit part, some unknown Italian-looking guy, and he appeared to be not playing someone who lived long, but STILL, The Sopranos, in their last season! I might have strained my neck a tad to read the script he was holding (snippets of scenes, with only his and preceding/following lines shown--it's all about secrecy, y'know), but I think I was subtle about it. I won't share further details for fear we might all get in trouble.

In my own production news, the book I was working on is printed and out there. You won't find it at your local chain bookshop, or even a specialty one, but it's printed and it has my name on the cover. Okay I'm "just" an editor, one of three, and it's a narrow subject with narrow geographic focus, but STILL. Tres exciting. I might even share a copy with you if you ask nicely. :)

Swearing

If you join the military voluntarily, do you get the right to choose participation in missions? I would think not. But then, I would not join the military. As much training and comradery and discipline I might learn there, I'd still be offering myself for fundamentally violent action. Sure, the military is tasked with "defense" but that defense is defined as weaponry and fighting. Not for me. Anyway, I am curious by the movement building around Lieutenant Watada, who has refused to serve in Iraqi missions. I heartily applaud his acting upon principles, but am unsure about the logic behind joining a hierarchical organization tasked with fulfilling the nation's militaristic "needs" (desires?) and then dictating the limits of that participation. Then again, it's tough to effectively challenge anything from the outside. More things to ponder.

For fun I looked up the military oaths. Can an atheist join the military? Does this oath give equal power to the President as to the Constitution? What is the operational definition of "enemy"?

The Oath of Enlistment (for enlistees): "I, _____, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God."

The Oath of Office (for officers): "I, _____ (SSAN), having been appointed an officer in the Army of the United States, as indicated above in the grade of _____ do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign or domestic, that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservations or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office upon which I am about to enter; So help me God."

Attitude

[Michelle stabilizes her soap box before stepping onto it.]

Is it possible for anyone to take pride in something that she feels is owed to her or that she feels is deserved? How do we learn to take pride in our actions and efforts? Is it not an osmotic thing, something absorbed from surrounding attitudes and reinforcements? So, what do you do that reinforces positive attitudes about hard work, selflessness, and pride above all in a job well done, rather than material or social rewards? Conversely, what do you expect from or complain about in others?

I like what New Hope Now has to say about perception of problems. When you believe something can be done or that something positive can happen, the problem seems less, well, problematic. Your sense of it changed and therefore the problem diminished in your mind. And ultimately, all problems are in our minds. The site goes on to list some points to ponder about your feelings toward a problem, such as reminders that we contribute to the problems we feel, and that problems are temporary. Good reminders, I think. Facing the music and accepting any level of responsibility, that's a lot tougher. But seriously, what have you got to lose? Maybe some problems, how does that sound?

And while I'm on the subject yet again of attitude, ask yourself, what is wrong with having a positive attitude? Does being negative actually make you feel good? So why hold on to the negativity? Does feeling good make you less productive? Does looking on the bright side mean you are weak? If you think positively, will you feel better? Why do we avoid feeling good?

Okay, lastly, just because I acknowledge my role in problems and feel good about myself does not mean I am justified in ignoring or furthering those problems. Unless or until I do something to remedy the problem, I am not helping anyone, myself included. Which brings me back to taking pride in one's actions. Do what is right because it feels good to do so. I hate the corporatization of this message, but man is it right: Just do it.

I'll discuss the pitfalls and personal experience with poor self discipline another day. Smile. Life is good. Or as Eric Idle sings...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.

I thank you for your time. :)

Placement

I was nextblogging this morning (hitting the Next Blog button has become a verb) and came across a literate (or is it cultured?) blog by a guy named Peter Smikulas. It's riveting reading, but I have trouble placing it. As in, where am I to be mentally situated as I read it? An odd feeling, though not unpleasant. His rant on Mel Gibson's alcohol level is straight forward and quite amusing.
[As Tara points out, the blog and Mel rant have disappeared. They were last seen at http://petersmikulas.blogspot.com. It is sad when funny things just, poof, disappear.]
[Correction: it's Peter Mikulas not Smikulas; this correction does not change fact of site being gone.]

Thanks to nextblogging I have found my next hobby and blog idea--now that's nextblogging! There are lots of people who take a daily photo in the city where they live then post to a photo-blog site. Some are more artsy or exotic than others, there are bunches in Europe, and there are a few rather normal cities included. I notice Houston is not covered yet.

Visuals

Announcing the arrival of 2005 and 2006 pictures on my picture pages. That's right, we're going way back. So you get Greece, New York and Connecticut and a wedding and a graduation and some cemeteries and lots of family plus a few friends thrown in for good measure. Check em out!

Whirlwind

That's Heather and I atop the Empire State Building. We got a little silly with the picture taking. I'm prepping the other photos for posting to the web and I'll link to them ASAP.

Goodness

Came across this website and it cheered me a bit. It's an intro to Buddhism and makes the point that "Anyone can go to heaven--just be good." A lovely suggestion. Any takers? :)

News

Are we so used to sad news and division in the Middle East that we are no longer upset when horrible things happen there? For the record, I think the whole thing is horrible. I believe no side is "right" when each side is killing the other. People are being hurt and killed--what exactly is an acceptable loss? It's absurd and this absurdity is breeding the exact feelings that it purports to do away with.

Hatred never ceases through hatred, but hatred ceases by love alone.

I heard on the radio yesterday a commentator describing a hate crime in the US as "terrorism" (this term was key) because the perpetrator was Muslim. He went on to point out how this was the sixth such incident since September 11. He seemed to want listeners to be outraged over the lack of media attention to numerous domestic terrorist acts. I wanted to call him and ask about the daily hate crimes--all meant to instill terror--committed against gays, ethnic groups (or any other than self), and all sorts of average every day Americans, homegrown and fitting the usual look and religious predilections of US citizens. Why should I be up in arms about one horrible incident more than another? Is there any violence or hatred that is justified? Is it morally possible to choose one set of haters or killers over another?

Zippy usually helps me smile even when talking about unhappy things. Today even Zippy seems a bit sad.

Thank goodness for the Buddhist Peace Fellowship and others who acknowledge with compassion the pain and hurt but continue to hope and rally for peace.

Or listen to the Black Eyed Peas' Where is the Love, opening lyrics included here for your contemplation:

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all

Technology

For anyone who has an opinion about MySpace, check out this posting by Christopher Moore. Hilarious. If you have no idea what MySpace is, um, nevermind, go in blissfully unaware peace.

Notes to Self

The Avengers--1998 film starring Fiennes, Thurman, Connery--really is as bad as TV Guide predicted (1 star). It doesn't matter whether you start from end or beginning, it's bad all the way through. If you notice it listed in the broadcast schedule, do not be tempted to see how bad it could be.

The oil change man--Brian?--will never forget our having run into each other in the middle of nowhere during Rita evacuation. It's really very sweet, but I've made a mental note: Must gather witty hurricane-evacuation comments before going to oil change place.

Fast food isn't necessarily fast. Drive up window duty might be punishment for naughty not-so-fast food workers.

Dining alone is not pitiful but restaurant staff will look at you like it is. Bring a good juicy book to keep mind off the staring.

Recommended

The new season of Morgan Spurlock's 30 Days on FX has kicked off spectacularly with a look at the lives of Indian workers who are the beneficiaries of American corporate outsourcing. Highly recommended.

Update: Episode on atheist temporarily living with fundamentalist Christian family was very frustrating to me. How can any individual represent what is not actually a coherent community of people? There is nothing that unifies atheists other than a conscious rejection of "God". I felt bad for all involved in this episode.

Episode on Muslims in America was pretty interesting, though again frustrating. The Christian guy had a very hard time, believing he was somehow going against his belief in Jesus and "God" to participate in Muslim prayer of any kind. And yet he had agreed to participate in exactly that. It reminded me of a Zen lesson on overfull cups of beliefs. The guy's difficulties seemed largely rooted in a placement mismatch with his religious teachers/guides. He eventually ended up with someone who could help him understand a bit better, which redeemed the episode for me.

Final episode finds Spurlock himself returning to the activities of his show as he puts himself in jail. I'm certainly biased, well down the road of beliefs/lessons he presents about the prison industrial complex and lack of rehabilitation in so-called penitentiaries, yet I still think the episode would be of interest to anyone out there with a pulse. Good stuff. Even the questionable episodes force you to think about the world.

Experience

Where have I been? What have I been doing? In no particular order...

Hung out on observation deck of Empire State Building with Heather after standing in a long, consumerist line. Beautiful beautiful views.

Visited dead ancestors, and took flowers to some of them (I hope there is no jealousy aroused by seeming partiality).

Met some very helpful cemetery workers who then gave me a customer satisfaction survey to mail in (I kid you not).

Fell down hard on the driveway while taking out the garbage.

Bought oversized bandages perfect for scraped knees and elbows (so many choices these days).

Got pulled over while lost in San Antonio (it wasn't a good moment).

Accidentally happened upon the Alamo and the Riverwalk.

Saw a cool photo exhibit in an otherwise not extremely photographic photography gallery.

Drew the attention of guards at an art museum. Learned I must stay 6 inches from all display cases and really ought not put my head in the potentially decapitating security openings overlooking courtayrd below.

Drove through some of the most and least desirable areas of New Jersey.

Met a new relative (welcome Terrence!).

Hung out with family and friends and had a great time chatting and walking around.

Pondered the future of my program.

Experienced a tire blow out at freeway speeds while driving with a car full of empty boxes and wearing white pants. (Hurrah for AAA and America's Discount Tire Company!) David promptly went and got the new tires for VW.

Officially advanced to doctoral candidacy. Now I just have to pass a long test and complete a dissertation. Right, practically done.

Rediscovered a wonderfully stimulating toothbrush.

All in all, a pretty good few weeks.